I Didn't Let Myself Down
January 7, 2022 was my first day of being completely employed by, well, myself. The day before marked my last day working at Digitas after nearly a decade {deep breath}. In this moment I was faced with a swirl of complimentary and contracting emotions of this official transition from agency life to full-time career coaching: immense pride, percolating sadness, calm confidence, cloudy moments of grief, radiant anticipation. You get the idea, I was feeling it all. But this cocktail of mixed emotions is left me with one clear message: I didn’t let myself down.
Years ago that voice inside, you know the one, began to nudge me. It started as a whisper, “this isn’t it”. I heard it, I contemplated it, but the need to please, to climb the ladder to conditioned success was louder and whatever I was doing was working. I said back, “I hear you but, shh, not yet”. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with that nudge, all I knew was what was in front of me so I kept moving forward on that well worn path.
Although I pushed aside the intuitive messages, I never put that voice on mute, just on hold. Well, the nudge grew more powerful and persistent. I couldn’t keep it on hold any longer. It was now compounded by burnout, snowballing stress and dwindling fulfillment. I moved into the “what if” phase. Seeding the idea with trusted companions, sharing that maybe there was something else I was meant to do... Something aligning to my purpose (whatever that may be) that was perhaps tapped into within client services but not unleashed. It was terrifying, speaking a foggy dream out loud.
What happened next was beautiful and made all the difference. Those around me who listened: friends, mentors, managers and champions said, “Yes, absolutely, keep going”. The years to follow included intimidating, yet validating moves like experimenting with coach training, launching a business during the pandemic, certification, requesting to go part-time to grow my business and, ultimately, leaning into Yellin Coaching completely without hesitation.
What I love most about all of this was that I am here because I refused to settle in this pursuit. I made the conscious decision to follow what was possible instead of being guided by fear. But what it really took to get me here was investing in the time and work to get back to the foundations of myself through coaching - becoming clear on who I am, what is most important to me, what I need to be happy and what fulfillment actually looks and feels like. Then venturing forward down a new path from that place of clarity.
That is why I am a coach. We all have those moments where we feel the nudge or hear the whisper, “Something isn’t right”, “I am meant for more" or "This isn't good enough". But so often we do not know what to do with it so we do nothing and move further away from ourselves. Instead, we just need to go back to the core of it all - ourselves. If that is you, then know that you don’t need to investigate that heaviness alone or continue to ignore it. I am here to listen, explore with you and guide you to find clarity of self.
It is because of so many others validating my curiosity and dreams that I found the courage, confidence and conviction to push closer to living a life that honors myself. It is now with relentless passion that I continue to support others on their pursuit of the same. My goodness, how lucky and thrilling is that?!
However, moving from agency life to career coach isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The grief I experienced was present for a very good reason. I didn’t just leave a role that no longer aligned to my purpose, I said goodbye to so many other meaningful aspects of my job - to a company that genuinely cared about their people and gave me immeasurable experiences, to inspiring leaders, incredibly smart and talented colleagues, dear friends, meaningful work, passionate client partnerships and the chance to lead life-changing teams. The gratitude I feel towards Digitas and every teammate, manager and client I worked with cannot be put into words. To all of you out there, I am the woman, leader and coach I am because of each experience I had with all of you.
If you are curious about my journey or about coaching please reach out, I would be honored to connect. For now I leave you with a quote that will forever remain a touchstone for me on this unpredictable journey of life.
“It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist